i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
