so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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