Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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