My friends, they love my intelligence
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I look better un-naked...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
