I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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