we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize