Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We're too hungover to prance.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
