The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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