my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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