There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
