He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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