you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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