"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
