I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
