I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
