He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
