Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
