He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
