an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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