hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
