I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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