I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize