in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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