i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I can't turn off my feet"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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