his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
