You can't motorboat a personality
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
