well I can't set my house on fire every night
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
