bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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