is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
