I'm really into asian looking animals
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
