exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
