You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
