so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
