how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
