you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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