Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
