I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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