he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
