when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
