Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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