I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
