can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
