She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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