You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
