What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
