the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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