We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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