don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
