A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
