Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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