hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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