He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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