i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize