Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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