is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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