Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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