Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
