Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
