I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
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dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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