the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
