As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
