I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
