sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
