who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
