Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
