Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
