just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
