listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
handjob tips. give me some.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
