i jhust puked up my retainher.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
