She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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