real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
