i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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