you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
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