we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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