Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize