i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
