I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We are all done wearing pants today
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
