they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
